23 December 2007
missing people at the holidays
The holidays can be very challenging for people with depression or dysthymia. Even if we're under successful treatment for our illness, the holidays can bring up sad feelings and memories. Sometimes it's the good memories that make us sad.
If you've read much of my writing on this site, you'll know that I lost my mom to lung cancer when I was 10 years old. My life has been a journey of living with that fact. It's not in my consciousness at every moment; but it's a part of who I am.
At Christmastime I often have little flashbacks. They're very happy memories. My mom was very creative and had made a papier-mâché Nativity scene that she set up on the mantle piece above the fireplace every year. I can picture it perfectly. The mantle ran the length of the wall and there was a huge mirror over it. My mom would cover the mirror in red and green cellophane and set the Nativity scene in front of it. Perhaps the living room seemed extra Christmas-y because it had red carpeting; with the Nativity set and the tree surrounded by bright packages, it was a big box of Christmas.
It's a happy memory. I remember helping my mom make marzipan fruit and vegetables. I can remember the smell of the artificial hair on the new dolls I'd get as gifts. I remember the excitement. The intense heat from the lights my dad used when he'd take home movies. The music. The family. It's a part of my life that I can hold onto only in memories. Sometimes the vividness of those memories is so intense that I can nearly touch them and taste them.
It makes me sad. The sadness is not so much for me, but for my mom. She was only 38 years old when she died, six years younger than I am now. She never got to see her children grow up and have children of their own. I'm sad for my nieces and nephews, too, who never got to meet their grandmother.
What does one do with this sadness? I let myself feel it. If I try to stifle it, it only seeps up again when I'm trying to enjoy today. I set aside some time for memories and tears. I honor my mom and all the other family members who are gone because they will always be with me. I can't deny them or ignore them.
Somehow, this helps. Giving the dead their due, their time, my attention, lets me then concentrate on the living. A cleansing cry releases the sadness. Not that it doesn't resurface here and there over the course of the holidays, but it's usually less powerful after I've let it go.
I hope you all find a way to release some sadness for your losses and that doing so helps to make your day a little bit brighter.
Be good to yourself.
--Mary
If you've read much of my writing on this site, you'll know that I lost my mom to lung cancer when I was 10 years old. My life has been a journey of living with that fact. It's not in my consciousness at every moment; but it's a part of who I am.
At Christmastime I often have little flashbacks. They're very happy memories. My mom was very creative and had made a papier-mâché Nativity scene that she set up on the mantle piece above the fireplace every year. I can picture it perfectly. The mantle ran the length of the wall and there was a huge mirror over it. My mom would cover the mirror in red and green cellophane and set the Nativity scene in front of it. Perhaps the living room seemed extra Christmas-y because it had red carpeting; with the Nativity set and the tree surrounded by bright packages, it was a big box of Christmas.
It's a happy memory. I remember helping my mom make marzipan fruit and vegetables. I can remember the smell of the artificial hair on the new dolls I'd get as gifts. I remember the excitement. The intense heat from the lights my dad used when he'd take home movies. The music. The family. It's a part of my life that I can hold onto only in memories. Sometimes the vividness of those memories is so intense that I can nearly touch them and taste them.
It makes me sad. The sadness is not so much for me, but for my mom. She was only 38 years old when she died, six years younger than I am now. She never got to see her children grow up and have children of their own. I'm sad for my nieces and nephews, too, who never got to meet their grandmother.
What does one do with this sadness? I let myself feel it. If I try to stifle it, it only seeps up again when I'm trying to enjoy today. I set aside some time for memories and tears. I honor my mom and all the other family members who are gone because they will always be with me. I can't deny them or ignore them.
Somehow, this helps. Giving the dead their due, their time, my attention, lets me then concentrate on the living. A cleansing cry releases the sadness. Not that it doesn't resurface here and there over the course of the holidays, but it's usually less powerful after I've let it go.
I hope you all find a way to release some sadness for your losses and that doing so helps to make your day a little bit brighter.
Be good to yourself.
--Mary
Labels: death of a loved one, grief, holiday blues, sadness
05 December 2007
holidays and depression / dysthymia
Why do the holidays have to come in the winter, when the shortened daylight hours are already starting to cause problems? It's almost as if it's a conspiracy.
I don't know how many Christmases I spent fighting back tears, despite being surrounded by my family. I'm a lot better now because of the meds, but emotions still run high for me at this time of year. There's still that roller-coaster effect, where you can be fine one moment and a little thing will send you off down the hill at lightning speed the next moment.
How do you deal? How do I deal? Here are a few things that I do to try to keep my mood more even and above the depths during the holidays:
1. Sunlight. If the sun's out, I try to make sure I get some amount of exposure. I open the curtains. I sit by the window. If it's warm enough, I get outside, even if it's only to walk around the outside of the house a few times.
2. Music. Even if I don't really feel like it, I put on music. Preferably something that I really like. A good jolt of rock-n-roll helps me. Classical music -- the more upbeat pieces -- can be soothing and mood enhancing at the same time. The only problem I find with music is that some CDs remind me of happier or sadder times and that can have the opposite effect. I'm fearless about changing the music if I find it's not doing what I intend.
3. Contact. I try to stay in touch with positive people. If someone brings me down or annoys me, I try to avoid them as much as I can. Conversely, if someone tends to bring out my happy side, I seek them. Sometimes cheering up someone else can improve your mood. Good deeds aren't good only for the recipient; the one who does the good deed gets a good feeling, too.
4. Writing. Getting my feelings out on paper (or onto my computer) helps me wash them out of my mind where they may be causing conflict. Talking to a therapist is also a good choice. Crying in a supportive environment can do wonders for cleansing the negative. I often feel drained but a bit better after letting myself feel the negative and expressing it. [Funny word "express" -- it means literally: "force out."] It's something of an exorcism for me.
5. Exercise. Most people don't like to exercise. It's work. It's hard to motivate. But even a little bit of exercise can make a big difference. For me, lifting weights -- or resistance training -- makes a bigger difference than aerobic exercise. Honestly, I find it easier to lift weights than to do the aerobic stuff. Studies have shown conclusively that exercise is an excellent tool in combating depression. For people like me who are on meds and still need a boost sometimes, exercise is like the cherry on top. The added benefits are a better self-image, better physical health (weight-wise, bone strength, stamina...), and a feeling of accomplishment.
These are only five suggestions. I'll keep thinking and trying to stay aware of what I'm doing to help myself get through this difficult time of year so I can share it with you.
Stay safe.
Mary
I don't know how many Christmases I spent fighting back tears, despite being surrounded by my family. I'm a lot better now because of the meds, but emotions still run high for me at this time of year. There's still that roller-coaster effect, where you can be fine one moment and a little thing will send you off down the hill at lightning speed the next moment.
How do you deal? How do I deal? Here are a few things that I do to try to keep my mood more even and above the depths during the holidays:
1. Sunlight. If the sun's out, I try to make sure I get some amount of exposure. I open the curtains. I sit by the window. If it's warm enough, I get outside, even if it's only to walk around the outside of the house a few times.
2. Music. Even if I don't really feel like it, I put on music. Preferably something that I really like. A good jolt of rock-n-roll helps me. Classical music -- the more upbeat pieces -- can be soothing and mood enhancing at the same time. The only problem I find with music is that some CDs remind me of happier or sadder times and that can have the opposite effect. I'm fearless about changing the music if I find it's not doing what I intend.
3. Contact. I try to stay in touch with positive people. If someone brings me down or annoys me, I try to avoid them as much as I can. Conversely, if someone tends to bring out my happy side, I seek them. Sometimes cheering up someone else can improve your mood. Good deeds aren't good only for the recipient; the one who does the good deed gets a good feeling, too.
4. Writing. Getting my feelings out on paper (or onto my computer) helps me wash them out of my mind where they may be causing conflict. Talking to a therapist is also a good choice. Crying in a supportive environment can do wonders for cleansing the negative. I often feel drained but a bit better after letting myself feel the negative and expressing it. [Funny word "express" -- it means literally: "force out."] It's something of an exorcism for me.
5. Exercise. Most people don't like to exercise. It's work. It's hard to motivate. But even a little bit of exercise can make a big difference. For me, lifting weights -- or resistance training -- makes a bigger difference than aerobic exercise. Honestly, I find it easier to lift weights than to do the aerobic stuff. Studies have shown conclusively that exercise is an excellent tool in combating depression. For people like me who are on meds and still need a boost sometimes, exercise is like the cherry on top. The added benefits are a better self-image, better physical health (weight-wise, bone strength, stamina...), and a feeling of accomplishment.
These are only five suggestions. I'll keep thinking and trying to stay aware of what I'm doing to help myself get through this difficult time of year so I can share it with you.
Stay safe.
Mary
Labels: depression, dysthymia, holiday blues
